Month: March 2022

Trauma and Distortions

Posted on by Susie Lauri

Awhile back as I was healing, I had a visual of an old lady from a distance walking towards me. The closer she came, I realized she was a small child who had been abused. Barely walking, each step she took appeared painful. Startled, I realized she was me! I looked like a battered soldier walking away from war, alone. As I wrote this experience in my journal, I got dizzy and the room jolted sharply. Quickly, I realized I was in the present and kept writing my experience, though feeling nauseous. 

As I looked at myself as a child, my clothes and face was disfigured and drooping like a Salvador Dali painting (Spanish Surrealist artist).

Persistence of Memory, 1931 by Salvador Dali
Courtesy of DaliPaintings.com

Salvador Dali’s paintings represent trauma extremely well. The distortion of oneself, people, time, and reality. Drowning and fragmented parts that haven’t been processed, not belonging anywhere, floating, warped and flooded. It’s like being held underwater and not being able to breathe, and like being sucked into a vortex of the unknown—unable to escape the terror and detaching from oneself.

The Disintegration of the Persistence of Memory, 1954 by Salvador Dali
Courtesy of DaliPaintings.com

Moreover, time feels like forever…but it keeps repeating itself, not free from it. And time is also lost—where did the time go? Am I in the past, present or future? It’s hard to know what’s real. From the website dalipaintings.com it states, “Dali had studied psychoanalysis and the works of Sigmund Freud, before joining the Surrealist.” On Dali’s website his paintings depicted unhealed trauma and fragmented memories intruding in the present. Dali’s quote, “The secret of my influence has always been that it remained secret.” If Dali was a trauma survivor is it possible he released his secret on canvas? 

According to Dr. Camea Peca Salvador has a trauma history. He lost his mother and his brother as a small child, and Dali also had a lot of sexually-related trauma. It is said that his father showed him, at a very young age, pictures of bloody and ulcerated male members sick with venereal diseases. The goal was to warn him about the dangers of sex outside of marriage.

Recently, I took a pilot healing and painting class, and I was surprised by the release of emotions and stored pain. Painting skills were not required. It was more about the “process” of painting than what it actually looked like. I painted in more of an abstract style.

Some of my paintings depicted suffering and my inner child floating upside down in the sky. I was able to paint the turmoil and depression that was beyond word description. In one of my paintings of injustice, I painted Jesus on the cross holding a black sheep (me). We were both bloody and tormented by abuse. Yet, I knew His peace by being held by Him. We knew each other’s sufferings—at the hands of others’ evil and vile acts. I painted the background bright yellow representing Jesus’ resurrection power. This was my favorite and most powerful painting. Jesus my compassionate witness and being on the battlefield holding me. As I’m writing tears are flowing realizing the beauty of healing, integrating and living a transformed life—and listening to the song, I Am Woman, an empowerment of healing trauma.

My abstract painting’s tell my story. There are so many ways to heal using art, writing, talking, creating a video (I will post mine in the near future—extremely healing), music and relaxation exercises. There isn’t only one way to heal and integrate trauma. What modalities are you using to heal and tell your story? 

10 Tips for a Trauma Informed Marriage

Posted on by Susie Lauri

A trauma-informed marriage is knowing what spouses can work on together when one is healing from past trauma.


In a trauma-informed marriage it’s important to be flexible, ready to adapt, and adjust. Intrusive triggers, memories and intense grieving can happen without notice. All storms have different durations and intensities but will eventually pass. When your spouse is activated let go of any argument and save the discussion for another time. Pick up the slack for the one who is healing, such as going grocery shopping or making dinner.

Work as a team. Be alert and listen to what your spouse needs. For example, my husband knows not to touch me when I’m in a trigger or when ‘activated’ while I’m self-regulating. In the past, my husband, wanted to comfort me in his way, wanting to hug me or hold my hand. As a result, I was furious because being touched sent more terror running thru me. I also like to hear minimal words, such as “Your safe.” I am capable of working through it.

Let’s regulate together. When I began doing breathing exercises, my husband started doing them too, which is awesome. Healing trauma is stressful on a marriage and self-care for both is imperative.

Know that after a storm restoration is needed. Healing trauma is extremely exhausting mentally and physically. It’s not that the person healing is lazy. For example, when a patient comes home from the hospital after having surgery, they sleep a lot and their energy level is lower. It’s no different healing from trauma.

During storms of depression, grieving and triggers isn’t the time to evaluate your marriage. Most of the time, these storms are from intrusive memories, emotional flashbacks, and sensory flashbacks from the past being uprooted and integrating. Also, a survivor’s window of tolerance is smaller. Plus, all the intense grieving comes with each ‘new awareness’ on many different levels which can be very confusing. In the past, my husband felt rejected that I needed a lot of time alone. Now he knows I’m healing and doing self-care and it isn’t a reflection of him.

It’s normal for a husband and wife to trigger each other at times. It’s not intentional. We need to give each other grace. For example, I was walking up the stairs in our home wearing headphones to block out noise and all of a sudden, I heard a whisper behind my head with a presence in my hair, “I’m right behind you.” I jumped out of my skin, my heart was racing rapidly and I felt rage and said, “Don’t walk up behind me and whisper in my ear! I hate that!” I could tell my husband felt bad. He said, “I’m sorry!” As I was regulating myself, I said, “I have all this adrenaline and cortisol running through me.” I told my husband angrily, “I forgive you.” And then thought about all the loving things he does for me. My heart softened. But, four hours later, I thought man, I was mad! But, I know my husband would never hurt me on purpose.

Communicate to each other when you’re not in a good place. For example, the other day, my husband and I were on a walk. And I said, “I’m feeling really irritable. I need some space don’t walk so close to me.” He said, “ok,” and smiled. We then spread out a bit. I felt better and then by the end of the walk I was walking next to him again.

Take advantage of the times you feel good and have fun together. Give back to your spouse for being so good to you and celebrate!

Know that on a survivor’s worst day, they could be doing their greatest healing—even if it doesn’t look like it. Sometimes my husband would interfere with my healing process because he wanted to fix it and stop the hurting and try to cheer me up. Once he understood that I needed to go through the healing process it was easier for him to let go.

Focus on each other’s strengths. Know a beautiful future is coming. In the struggle, a new life is emerging.