According to the American Psychological Organization, there are numerous benefits of meditation, prayer, and mindfulness, (from the article, The Benefits of Mindfulness, Prayer and Meditation written by Shirley Davis, Jan. 6 2020 CPTSDfoundation.org) such as better sleep, calmer emotions, increased ability to focus, increased memory, and greater self awareness.
Personally, I don’t relax while meditating and I find it annoying listening to others lead meditations. I find myself getting bored, agitated, activated, and having to self-regulate from listening to another person’s meditation. However, I have found another to way to get the benefits from meditation. By visualizing my inner child living in nature with God. I experience a calming peace that only God can give me.
After having a very disturbing nightmare about the sexual abuse I suffered as a child, I visualize God holding me. He takes me into His healing pool surrounded by the beauty of nature. God tends to me, pouring healing water over me.
All the slime of the trauma is off and out of me. When I’m nauseous, He gives me a healing tonic to drink. I feel my entire physiology change and become revived. Then, God has beautiful soft blankets and a robe for me to wear. I feel so loved and pure. As a result, my inner child wants to play (not even thinking about the nightmare). My inner child is then waterskiing with God on dolphins and laughing because it’s so fun.
In many of my visualizations, I am moving around and exploring. For example, I’ll be walking on the deep ocean floor with God. He’ll turn on a light so I can see. At other times, we are riding beautiful, white Warrior horses. In another example, I love being held by God and surrounded with our animals, lion cubs, panda cubs and kittens.
In my visualizations, I’m different ages — the ages of when I was abused. At times, I only want to be held by God and not do anything else. He is my protector and home. Moreover in times of intense flashbacks, I’ve held onto God for dear life while it feels as if everything around me is uprooted in a Tsunami. Even though I’m terrified, I experience a bright, yellow light protecting me. It’s as if I’m in the eye of the storm. Yet, I can hear and see what is going on. God will be co-regulating with me, which makes my breathing easier — and I’ll no longer be breathing shallow.
Most visualizations I do with God are unique because my needs are different. Sometimes my inner child is celebrating with parties and enjoying delicious treats. Language and written words can’t describe my visualizations with God.
One time when I was doing a visualization, I was so depressed and irritable. I couldn’t feel God’s presence. I kept asking, “I’m here, where are you?” Waiting and waiting, I got more mad. Then, I said, “You aren’t here so I’m going to run away and never come back here!” As I turned my back to walk away, I heard God say, “Wait, let me get my suitcase, I’m going with you!” We ran away together. My physiology became peaceful and happy because I wasn’t alone.
I have found the more time I spend visualizing with God, the more agitated I am with other people’s meditations. If I’m on Zoom, I’ll lower the volume way down so I can’t hear them. Have you experienced frustration, shallow breathing and your body tensing up while listening to other people’s meditations?
Dr. Thema’s quote resonates profoundly with me, “Many trauma survivors hold their breath and their bodies tightly, bracing themselves for whatever is coming next. Staying alert for years takes a toll.” Learning new ways of releasing tension, breathing and releasing trauma is exhausting. But, we keep going regardless. I recently took an online course Advanced cPTSD, with Dr. Eric Gentry, Vice President of the Arizona Trauma Institute. He taught us a technique to help shallow breathers. I’m happy to share it with you. It’s easy… Interlock your fingers behind your neck while breathing. This helps to open the airway passage for better breathing. I love this technique, because it’s easier for me to breath when activated. If you are a shallow breather, you aren’t alone. There are many of us.
In closing, my favorite soothing and grounding technique is doing visualizations with my inner child living in nature with God. In many of my visualizations, I’m moving which keeps me breathing naturally and my body peaceful. I don’t like being still — unless I’m visualizing God holding me as a baby. I have found this to be my go to visualization if I’m experiencing fear, exhaustion, depression or anxiety. God soothes me by rubbing my back, looking me in the eyes and nestling me into his neck with a soothing, gentle rocking with His body. I believe God is rewiring my brain for calm by rerouting my nervous system with His care.