“Every time we were traumatized as children, we lost our breath, and that still happens today.”
– Anthony Abbagano
It’s amazing how so many families protect the sexual predator, enabling them so they have no consequences to their vile of acts of incest, rape, sexual assault and sexual harassment against innocent children.
When the truth teller speaks up, they are treated as insignificant, not believed, not supported, and outcasted while the incest perpetrators lie about their sexual assaults, sexual harassment and rapes.
Why do most families side with the predator (who is often one of the parents, or grand parent, or aunt or uncle) and their criminal acts against a child? Often family members refuse to believe that the abuse even occurred.
Some researchers say it’s because the people live in disillusionment, not want to believe one or both parents are capable of such criminal acts. And usually there isn’t just one person in the multi-generational system sexually abusing children.
When people in a dysfunctional family don’t believe the truth teller they put their own kids and others at risk for abuse. This generational curse of predators and enablers will continue until it is stopped being swept under the rug.
For the one sexually abused, it is a long road to put their fragmented self back together and to retrain their traumatized nervous systems to be calm. It is extremely challenging and difficult to live with complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (cPTSD).
As children, we learn our identity from our parent(s), caregiver(s), siblings, relatives and/or teachers. Our “family”. Those of us, who later in life choose to be estranged from our families for our mental health, have let go of the ‘pathological hope’ of ever having a loving, close family and being treated with respect. Many of us were given the role as black sheep or scapegoat of the family. We have grown out of the role but the family hasn’t.
In the letting go of my family and healing trauma, I found myself covered and entangled in a web of traumatic grieving, more flashbacks, memories surfacing and releasing the poison out of my system.
Furthermore, those of us abused in our homes often became targets of sexual abuse, assaults and sexual harassment from other predators as well. Pedophiles look for children who walk with an emotional limp who are already suffering. They are in a sense easy prey because they’ve been groomed for sexual abuse.
Betrayed by Family of Origin
How do I come up to the surface? I’m drowning.
– Susie Lauri
Where am I? I’m lost, disoriented.
I slam down,
What happened to me me?
Overwhelmed, I need to throw up.
Why am I alone? Why am I so far away?
I am not allowed to exist. I am shamed. And told not to tell.
I am bad. I am too much.
Where is my comfort? Filled with sorrow I spin. Where is my footing?
I’m drowning. Down, I go again. I can’t breath. I’m dying. No-one knows me.
Why was I born to not exist?
Where can I go? I’m trapped and alone.